get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
