if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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