i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
