dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
