I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
