Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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