It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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