Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
3pm strippers are depressing
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
