Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
