Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
