After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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