I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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