I can text with my tongue
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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