why didn't you poke me back
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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