um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just took my morning after pill in the library
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
