I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
