i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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