words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
