I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
