so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Randomize
