apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
