so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
