I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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