Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
