I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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