sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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