went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
