oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
