Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
