someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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