I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
