I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
