:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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