i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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