i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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