god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
