So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
