I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
