'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
