We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
