reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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