we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
