just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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