Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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