What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
