dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
