Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
