She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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