he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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