I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
