You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Quick, to the slutcave!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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