So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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