so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
