love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
