i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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