it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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