have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
