Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
