trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
