I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just had sex bonerless
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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