Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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