a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
