Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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