I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
