awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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