Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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