Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Non-Jews are for practice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
