You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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