i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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