Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
