You really coming over, don't trick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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