when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
