I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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