That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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