Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
