You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
