this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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