At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize