if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
