I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
